Humor: The Borowitz Report

New Proposal Would Provide Grand Juries with Eyes

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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—On the heels of an initiative to provide police departments with body cameras, there is growing support for a plan to supply grand-jury members with eyes, advocates for the plan said on Wednesday.

“Body cameras are an important part of the solution,” said Harland Dorrinson, who is lobbying Washington to equip grand juries with the sense of sight. “But I strongly believe that if you take video evidence and add eyes, the combination would be unstoppable.”

Some critics of Dorrinson’s proposal say that it does not go far enough, and that in order to process information sent from their eyes grand juries would also need to be fitted with working brains.

“Yes, in a perfect world, all grand juries would have brains,” Dorrinson said. “But progress is an incremental thing. Let’s start with eyes and eventually work our way up to brains.”

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