January 8, 2014
All Lanes on George Washington Bridge Blocked by Chris Christie’s Ego
TRENTON (The Borowitz Report)—All lanes of traffic on the George Washington Bridge were blocked this afternoon by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s ego, traffic reports said.
Aerial images of the bridge showed traffic snarling for miles as Mr. Christie’s massive self-regard shut down all lanes on the upper and lower roadways. Tracy Klugian, a frustrated motorist attempting to head back to his home in Montclair, New Jersey, echoed the feelings of many drivers whose passage was blocked by the gargantuan ego: “First the polar vortex, and now this.”
A spokesman for the New York City Department of Transportation advised motorists to avoid the Governor’s ego by using the Lincoln and Holland tunnels “before Chris Christie remembers they’re there.”
But the spokesman hinted that Mr. Christie’s towering ego might be yet another traffic inconvenience, like potholes and road construction, that area drivers should get used to: “It’s not getting smaller any time soon.”
Photograph by Tom Mihalek/Reuters