Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

NOVEMBER 8, 2013 BY  

Humor - Late Night  :   http://mariopiperni.com/

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.

Happy Friday.

___

“Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for president. And he’s got a new slogan: ‘Put the oval in the Oval Office.’” –Jay Leno

“The new mayor of New York City is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian. Or as Fox News reported, the apocalypse is upon us.” –Conan O’Brien

“The new mayor is married to a woman who used to be a lesbian. His campaign slogan: ‘If I turned her around, imagine what I can do for New York City!’” –Conan O’Brien

“New Jersey re-elected Governor Chris Christie. Or as Christie put it, ‘I came back for seconds.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Rand Paul, the senator from Kentucky, keeps getting into trouble. They say he actually plagiarized an entire section of his 2012 book, ‘Government Bullies.’ When asked for comment, Paul said, ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.’” –Jimmy Fallon

Rand Paul - STFU - plagiarism    http://mariopiperni.com/

“New York City is going to get a new mayor. It’s between some tall white guy and some short white guy. That’s all I know.” –David Letterman

“The tall white guy is really tall. He’s 6’7′. This is a jumbo mayor. He said if he’s elected, Mayor Bloomberg can live in his pocket. Mayor Bloomberg is a tiny guy.” –David Letterman

“Mayor Bloomberg has been mayor of New York City for 12 years. We’ll all miss Mayor Bloomberg. But he says 12 years is plenty. That’s three terms. He now just wants to settle down and spend more time with his money.” –David Letterman

“There’s now growing concern in Iran about the health of 74-year-old Ayatollah Khamenei, the country’s supreme leader. He has a chronic illness. You think healthcare is bad in this country, try seeing a doctor under Ayatollah-Care. See how that works.” –Jay Leno

“So, yes, the president was somewhat dishonest about the promise of his healthcare program, but here’s the weird part, his opponents have been lying like motherf*ckers about its effects.” –Jon Stewart

“The Republicans are saying this is the worst presidential lie ever. Yes, Bush lied about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and got thousands of people killed and said the war would pay for itself, but remember people, those were white lies.” –Bill Maher

“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is hoping to win re-election tomorrow, and polls show that he’s winning by a 19-point margin. Christie was really excited to hear that — but only because he thought someone said ‘margarine.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Today 47 million of the poorest Americans had their food stamp benefits way reduced. This is the same day we launched our new stealth destroyer, the $3 billion USS Zumwalt. This is a ship that is nearly invisible, unlike the poor, who are completely invisible. I say if we’re going to make ships that are invisible, why build them at all? Why not just tell the Iranians they’re there?” –Bill Maher

___

Follow MarioPiperniDotCom on FacebookTwitter and Google+.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s