Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

OCTOBER 4, 2013 BY  

Humor - Late Night  :   http://mariopiperni.com/

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.

Happy Friday.

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“People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating.” –David Letterman

“When you sign up for Obamacare you choose between the bronze program, the silver program, the gold program, and the platinum program. If you sign up for the platinum, you actually get to drive the ambulance.” –David Letterman

“They say it’s a partial government shutdown, and I can remember something similar happened. It was like the government was shut down for eight years when Bush was president.” –David Letterman

George W. Bush - Failure : http://mariopiperni.com/

“Fox News has started calling the government shutdown a ‘government slimdown.’ Also according to Fox News, none of the government workers have been furloughed, they just went to go live on a farm.” –Conan O’Brien

“Senator Ted Cruz announced he’s donating his paycheck during the shutdown to charity. Well, the charity is called Ted Cruz for President.” –Conan O’Brien

“People have events in the national parks and they’re canceled because of the shutdown. There was a KKK rally scheduled to be held in a national park that was canceled. This was bad news for the KKK but good news for the park’s black bears.” –Conan O’Brien

“Russian president Vladimir Putin has been named a candidate for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize. His chances of winning are good because his strategy is to have the other nominees killed.” –Conan O’Brien

“A CNN poll showed that the Congress approval rating is done to 10 percent. That still doesn’t seem low enough. Do one out of 10 people really approve of the job Congress is doing? And who are these people? I want to work for them.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“People are mad at Congress because of the shutdown. According to a new poll, 69 percent of Americans say that House Republicans are acting like children. I think they may have a point because when asked about it, Republicans said, ‘Ha ha you said 69.’” –Conan O’Brien

Republican elephant buries head - ostrich : http://mariopiperni.com/

“The government shutdown – no one knows when the government will be back up and running. So if you’ve ever wanted to cut the tag off your mattress, do it now.” –Jimmy Fallon

“There are reports that several members of Congress were actually drinking last night while they were debating the bill that could have avoided the government shutdown. Which explains that one part where they said, ‘The floor recognizes the representative from Margaritaville!’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Most of the White House staff is gone. The only one left is butler Forest Whitaker.” –David Letterman

“At least here in America, crucial agencies like the U.S. Border Patrol are still on the job. That’s a good thing. The last thing we need is an influx of Canadians, with their politeness and a government that’s open every day.” –Craig Ferguson

“Even if the government shuts down, Americans don’t care. The last time Americans cared about anything was when they shut down the Twinkie factory.” –David Letterman

“The shutdown will affect some national parks and museums. They’re going to close the Smithsonian. So if you have tickets, forget it. You’re not getting in. They’re going to close the National Air & Space Museum. They’re closing the Hillary Clinton Pantsuit Museum.” –David Letterman

“President Obama gave a speech today suggesting that this is kind of a hostage situation. But the Republicans who came up with the idea said they’re not holding America hostage, and if he bothered to read their ransom note, that would be perfectly clear.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Republican sociopath   http://mariopiperni.com/

“Interestingly, polls show that most Americans say they don’t like Obamacare – but they love what’s in it. It’s like the opposite of a McNugget.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Diplomats from around the world have been spotted at strip clubs all over New York City while they are in town for the U.N. General Assembly. Things got pretty weird when the diplomat from Iran tried paying for his lap dance with goats.” –Jimmy Fallon
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One response to “Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

  1. geireland@comcast.net

    Great Humor!

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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