Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

JULY 19, 2013 BY  

Humor - Late Night  :

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor. BTW, I have a Jay Leno ban in place. I’ve never been a big fan of this guy and he’s gotten increasingly obnoxious since learning that NBC is replacing him with Fallon next spring. I finally came to the conclusion that I don’t like him so if anything from Leno appears here, it’ll have to be damn funny.

Happy Friday.

“Today the Queen said that she would like the royal baby to be born before she goes on vacation. Then someone reminded her she’s more or less been on vacation since 1952.” –Conan O’Brien

“The Pope said something crazy. The Pope is offering time off from purgatory for anyone who follows him on Twitter. He also said it’s cool for Catholics to have premarital sex as long as they like his Facebook page.” –Conan O’Brien

“Edward Snowden’s been at the airport close to two months. And here’s how he stays in shape. He goes jogging every day on the baggage carousel.” –David Letterman

“Edward Snowden, the NSA leaker, wants asylum in Venezuela. He also wants to be able to have summer asylum in the Hamptons.” –David Letterman

“The royal baby is due today. Kate Middleton and Prince William are expecting the baby any minute now. The royals say they don’t care what gender it is as long as it’s healthy enough to never work a day in its life.” –Conan O’Brien

“Doctors have warned that the birth could be very painful because there’s a 1 in 4 chance it’s going to have Prince Charles’ ears.” –Craig Ferguson

“People in Florida are pretty worried about the Zimmerman acquittal. They’re trying so hard to get black people to stay in their homes, it looks like election day down there.” –Bill Maher

Zimmerman Asshole quote -

“Their defense is that George Zimmerman is weak and stupid. That’s their whole defense, that’s such a pussy that in a fight a gun was his only chance. They put an expert on the stand that said he was an out of shape doughy loser than was completely inept at self defense  – just the kind of guy you want to have on your neighborhood watch.” –Bill Maher

“And then the other day in the summation, the defense lawyer said George Zimmerman had nothing put ‘pure unadulterated innocence.’ That’s right, he played the ‘my client is a moron card.’ I know we can’t talk about race in this trial, but now we have to have code words for idiot? If his pants are full of shit, you must acquit.’” –Bill Maher

“If we’re going to leave with one lesson from this whole assorted affair it’s to leave police work to the actual police. They’re the ones who are trained in shooting unarmed black kids.” –Bill Maher

“Sarah Palin said she may run for the Senate. She said being a U.S. senator is job she’s always dreamed of resigning from.” –Bill Maher

“Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said ‘I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.’ I think that’s what he said, he was chewing a crayon.” –Bill Maher

Rick Perry -Scarecrow with no brain :

“Residents of northeast Colorado, which is much more rural than the rest of the state, don’t think they’re properly represented so they want to break the state into two pieces. […] The idea is to divide Colorado into two states, and they want to call the new state North Colorado. If you’re going to go to the trouble of creating a new state, give it a cool name like Danger Zone, or Colorado 2: The Reckoning.” –Jimmy Kimmel

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