Humor: The Borowitz Report

Florida Considers Eliminating Laws Altogether

Posted by

TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that its current system of laws is out of step with life in today’s Florida, a growing chorus of lawmakers in the state are arguing for a measure that would eliminate laws altogether.

“Florida is rife with laws that say ‘Do this, don’t do that,’ ” said Gov. Rick Scott, a supporter of the measure. “Speaking as a Floridian, I have found it exhausting pretending to obey them.”

There is broad support in the state for abolishing laws, according to a poll commissioned by the political action committee Citizens For a Lawless Florida.

According to that poll, a majority of Floridians favor ridding the state of laws, while a sizable number did not know that the state had any.

“We’ve been trying to remove laws piecemeal for the past few decades, but this measure seems like the most efficient way to take care of the whole problem,” Gov. Scott said.

For those who fear that eradicating Florida’s laws would wreak havoc on life in the state, Gov. Scott offered this reassurance: “Honestly, I don’t think you’ll notice a difference.”

Get the Borowitz Report delivered to your inbox.

Photograph: Flickr Commons.


One response to “Humor: The Borowitz Report

  1. In Milton Friedman’s Capitalism and Freedom, he opens with the following.

    “First, the scope of government must be limited. Its major function must be to protect our freedom both from enemies outside our gates and from our fellow citizens: to preserve law and order, to enforce private contracts, to foster competitive markets…by relying primarily on voluntary co-operation and private enterprise, in both economic and other activities, we can insure that the private sector is a check on the powers of the government sector….”[1]

    Thomas Paine also discusses the role of government in his essay Common Sense[2] written in 1776.

    “Society is produced by our wants and, government by our wickedness; the former promotes our happiness positively by uniting our affections, the latter negatively by restraining our vices.”

    Thomas Paine provides as example that a society begins when a small number of persons settle in an area separated from congenial surroundings. In this state of natural liberty, necessity due to differences in age, skills, intellect, and health would soon form the persons into a society. The reciprocal benefits would

    “supersede, and render the obligations of law and government unnecessary while they remained perfectly just to each other…but as nothing but Heaven is impregnable to vice, …the necessity arises of establishing some form of government to supply the defect of moral virtue.”

    Milton Friedman specifically describes the government’s role in terms of military, legal, and economic responsibilities; he speaks specifically that voluntary cooperation with the private sector insures a check on the government sector; and with that the forces in play were stronger than and would overcome any self-interest considered detrimental to the market.

    Thomas Paine is also specific, that government is a necessary evil; the size of government “evil”, the bureaucracy, must be of such strength and flexibility as to continually defend society from its own individual and collective vices.

    Greed is easily argued to be society’s greatest vice; and where there is money, there is greed.

    Collective greed is demonstrated when in the interest of profit through financial gain we throw destitute families out of homes, allow the uninsured to die, wage useless wars, poison and pollute the ecosystem, slash social assistance programs, gut public education, trash the global economy, plunder the U.S. Treasury and crush all popular movements that seek justice for working men and women.

    Individual greed is demonstrated when in the interest of satisfying physical and emotional desires, financial gain is sought without providing an equitable contribution of service in return; assuming the individual is physically capable and effectively educated.

    Bringing Thomas Paine’s thoughts to present day, Nico Vorster in his 2010 essay, An Ethical Critique of Milton Friedman’s Doctrine on Economics and Freedom[3] states that many analysts “attribute the 2008 financial crisis directly to Milton Friedman’s Neo-liberalism economic policies adopted since the 1980′s by Western Countries… free trade and open markets, privatization, deregulation, and decreasing the size of the public sector while increasing the role of the private sector in modern society … that these deregulatory measures lead to irresponsible lending by banks, unethical practices in stock markets and a perpetual gross misconduct in the market place.”

    Bernie Sanders (I-VT) provides an excellent example of irresponsible behavior, unethical practices, mixed in with generous amounts of collective and individual greed. In October 2010, a group of 80 CEOs went before Congress stating the need to cut Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid, while lowering tax rates for millionaires, billionaires, and the largest corporations in America.[4] These are some of the same CEOs who head corporations that:

    Received a total taxpayer bailout of more than $2.5 trillion from the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department and nearly caused the economy to collapse just four years ago.

    Avoided at least $34.5 billion in taxes by setting up more than 600 subsidiaries in the Cayman Islands, Bermuda, and other offshore tax havens since 2008; in 2010, Bank of America operated 371 subsidiaries incorporated in offshore tax havens, more than any other financial institution in the United States. 204 of these subsidiaries are incorporated in the Cayman Islands, which has a corporate tax rate of 0%.

    A dozen of these companies paid no corporate income taxes in at least one year since 2008, while receiving more than $6.4 billion in tax refunds from the IRS, after making billions in profits.

    During the financial crisis, JP Morgan Chase received a total of more than $391 billion in virtually zero interest loans from the Federal Reserve and a $25 billion bailout from the Treasury Department, while Jamie Dimon served as a director of the New York Federal Reserve.

    During the financial crisis, the Federal Reserve provided GE with $16 billion in financial assistance, at a time when Jeffrey Immelt was a director of the New York Federal Reserve.

    Here we have some of the same people who “contributed” significantly to the deficit exploding over the last four years.

    Consider the following questions with respect to Milton Friedman’s statement “… the private sector is a check on the powers of the government sector.”
    ◾Has the concentration of power shifted from the government to the private sector such that government can no longer perform the duties as outlined by Milton Friedman “to protect our freedom both outside our gates … and from our fellow citizens: to preserve law and order”.
    ◾Has the concentration of power shifted from the government to the private sector such that “voluntary co-operation and private enterprise … insure that the private sector is a check on the powers of the government sector” no longer is viable because the most financially powerful aspects of the private sector cannot be trusted and have an insatiable appetite for more of everything?
    ◾Has the concentration of power shifted from the government to the private sector such that certain elements such as Big Banks and Oil have hijacked Milton Friedman’s theories to their benefit?


    Milton Friedman’s long life was spent promoting his economic theories, successfully and persuasively. The results will be debated for many years, by individuals at all levels of academic, economic, and political experience; as well as the everyday citizen.

    This everyday citizen believes that Milton Friedman’s theories may have been with good intention, but when applied to the real world did more harm than good.

    The harm resulted from Milton Friedman’s idealistic view that human behavior, their self-interests, would be molded and controlled by forces of the market. The harm resulted from those industries and companies of the private sector who hijacked and manipulated Milton Friedman’s political theories to their own advantage.

    Milton Friedman decried Socialism, but through the hijacking of his political theories, provided the base for Corporate Fascism. A governmental system led by a dictator (Big Banks, Oil, Koch Brothers) having complete power (purchased through Citizens United), forcibly suppressing opposition (unions) and criticism (media, Rupert Murdoch), regimenting all industry (right to work), commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism (anti-immigration) and often racism.

    With all due respect to Milton Friedman, I wonder if Thomas Paine were to meet Milton Friedman in the next world he might say

    “Mr. Friedman you are a bit naïve regarding human nature”


    [1] Milton Friedman, Capitalism and Freedom, The University of Chicago Press, 1962, 1982, 2002; P. 2-3


    [3] Vorster, Nico; An Ethical Critique of Milton Friedman’s Doctrine on Economics and Freedom; Journal for the Study of Religions and Ideologies; July 1, 2010


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s