Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

JUNE 14, 2013 BY  

Humor - Late Night  :   http://mariopiperni.com/

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.

Happy Friday.

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“Hispanic Senator Ted Cruz, who is fighting the immigration bill, described himself as Obama-phobic. You know you have Obama phobia if you’ll deport immigrants even though your last name is Cruz.” –Conan O’Brien

“Marco Rubio announced a new bill that would require immigrants to learn English to become citizens. Many Americans already say it’s the goodest news they have heard all year.” –Conan O’Brien

“According to a poll, the majority of Americans are OK with the Obama administration listening in on our phone calls. Guys approve because they feel it increases security. And women approve of Obama’s policy because finally a man is listening to them.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mr. President, no one is saying you broke any laws, we’re just saying it’s a little bit weird you didn’t have to.” –The Daily Show’s John Oliver on the NSA spying scandal

“Last week it was revealed that the National Security Agency has spied on Americans’ phone records and Internet history for years. Yesterday, the source of the leak said he’s hiding out in Hong Kong, marking the first time anyone has ever said, ‘I don’t want to be punished by the government – so I guess I’ll go to China.’” –Jimmy Fallon

133016_600

Pat Bagley

“He went to China to avoid government persecution. That’s like going to Ireland to avoid getting drunk.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The NSA has been listening in on phone calls. It’s people with cellphones — you hear these people walking down the street screaming into their cellphones. They’re the ones who are upset about people listening to their phone calls.” –David Letterman

“Big breaking news about something we’ve known for like seven years, which is that your phone calls are being tracked and your emails are being accessed by the government. And married men all over are saying, ‘The government? Thank God. I thought you were going to say my wife.’” –Bill Maher

“The same conservatives who were all for the Patriot Act are now freaked out about this. They’re like, ‘When we said the president could do whatever the f*ck he wanted, we didn’t mean a black guy.’” –Bill Maher

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Chris Weyant

“President Obama was visiting a middle school yesterday, and while he was there he said that every school in the U.S. should have high-speed Internet. Then it got awkward when one kid said, ‘Why, so you can read our emails faster?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin and his wife announced that they are getting a divorce after almost 30 years of marriage. When asked why, Putin said, ‘We tried to make it work, but you know what they say: Men are from Malgobek, women are from Kadnikov.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“The National Security Agency has been collecting the phone records of Verizon customers since April. That explains Verizon’s new ad campaign: ‘They can hear you now.’” Jimmy Fallon

“A new report shows that the Obama administration has been collecting the telephone records of millions of customers of Verizon under a top-secret court order. Here’s the sad part. It turns out that 90 percent of the phone calls Americans make are to order a pizza.” –Jay Leno

133010_600John Darkow

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