Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

MAY 3, 2013 BY 

Humor - Late Night  :

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.

Happy Friday.


“The FDA has just ruled that girls as young as 15 can now obtain the contraceptive Plan B without a prescription. Before that, most teenagers’ Plan B was getting a show on MTV.” –Jimmy Fallon

“So they’re handing out hussy pills to 15-year-old girls like Chicklets, but I still need to show my passport and provide a DNA sample to buy some damned Sudafed. How am I supposed to make my meth?” –Stephen Colbert

“Yesterday President Obama said that the prison at Guantanamo Bay needs to be closed. To make sure it closes quickly, they’re turning it into a Blockbuster Video.” –Conan O’Brien

“Conservatives like me know that in a budget crisis, everything nonessential has to go — whether it’s food for kids who aren’t mine or some other stuff for people I don’t know.” –Stephen Colbert

“Mitt Romney gave a commencement speech where he advised graduates to start a family before they turn 30. He also advised them to pay for it by inheriting millions of dollars.” –Conan O’Brien

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“Washington Wizards center Jason Collins just came out of the closet, making him the first pro athlete in a major sport to be openly gay – while the first openly gay wizard is still Dumbledore.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Collins is getting credit for being the first openly gay pro athlete. Or as Martina Navratilova put it, ‘Hello!’” –Jimmy Fallon

“We all know that if you look up Congress in the dictionary it says, ‘Do-nothing f**ktards who couldn’t solve a problem if it was eating them alive anus first.” –Jon Stewart

“They had a big opening of the Bush Library down in Texas. All five living presidents were there. It was a once in a lifetime event – a library in Texas.” –Bill Maher

“It’s not just a library, it’s a museum. The exhibits are breathtaking. There’s a map of the world dartboard which Bush used to decide who to invade after 9/11; there’s the pants he peed in when he was told we were under attack; the pretzel he forgot to chew that made him pass out. And there’s a weapons of mass destruction pavilion, but no one can find it.” –Bill Maher

George Bush - Fossil  :

“Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count Hillary in 2016.” –Jay Leno

“In President Bush’s high school yearbook, he was voted least likely to have a library named after him.” –Jay Leno

“[The Boston Marathon bombers] only had one gun between them. Talk about not assimilating; you are in the United States for ten years and you only have one gun?” –Bill Maher


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