Republicans Call for Tougher Sanctions on Beyoncé
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that their recent trip to Cuba had made them “America’s No. 1 national-security threat,” a group of Republican lawmakers today called for tougher sanctions on the entertainers Beyoncé and Jay-Z.
“We must send a strong message to Beyoncé and Jay-Z that the United States of America will not tolerate this kind of provocation,” said Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart (R-Florida), who blamed President Obama for “permitting the crisis to escalate dangerously.”
“While the President has allowed himself to be distracted by North Korea, Beyoncé and Jay-Z were engaged in threatening activities right in our own hemisphere,” he said, charging the President with being “soft on Beyoncé.”
Echoing his sentiments, Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen called for the “toughest economic sanctions possible to isolate the growing threat posed by Beyoncé and Jay-Z.”
But while economic sanctions may be politically popular, White House spokesman Jay Carney cautioned that they would probably have little to no effect: “Right now, Jay-Z and Beyoncé have more money than the U.S. government does.”
Photograph by STR/AFP/Getty Images.