Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

March 23, 2013 By

Humor - Late Night  :

I’ve been out of commission the last couple of days with fever and whatever. Aside from a few aches and pains, I managed this winter quite well. There were no prolonged illnesses to speak of. And now, on the first day of Spring, I come down with something. Feeling better…I think.

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.

Happy Saturday.

“A NASA official told Congress that if a meteor was on track to strike the U.S., Americans should pray. Even Pope Francis was like, ‘That’s your Plan A?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Kentucky Senator Rand Paul announced that he supports a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants. Or as illegal immigrants put it, “Who do you think’s going to build that path?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Have you been watching ‘The Bible’? They have a character who plays Satan, and he looks a little bit like President Obama. And I thought, ‘If President Obama was actually Satan, Republicans might be willing to deal with him.’” –David Letterman

“The guy who plays Satan on the History Channel’s ‘The Bible’ looks like President Obama. Even Rush Limbaugh was outraged. He was like, ‘How can you do that to Satan?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney spoke at CPAC for the first time since the election. He has not lost any of the warmth and charm that we have come to know. He still sounds like the flight attendant that doesn’t let you use the bathroom in first class.” –Bill Maher

“They had a panel discussion at CPAC called ‘Are You Sick and Tired of Being Called a Racist When You Know You’re Not One?’ Let me save you guys a lot of money. If you get called a racist often enough to be sick and tired of it, you might be a redneck.” –Bill Maher

“You know what I liked best about the election of the new Pope? Just the fact that we don’t have to see any more of those negative Pope campaign ads.” –Jay Leno

“Are you folks excited about St. Patrick’s Day? It’s the day I tell Irish jokes written by Jewish writers.” –David Letterman

“We have a new Pope. His name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio. I think I have his spaghetti sauce.” –David Letterman

“As you know, we have a new Pope. He is Pope Francis of Argentina. He is a 76-year-old man with only one lung. This could be just the burst of youth and vitality the Catholic Church needs.” –Jay Leno

“Pope Francis was the runner-up to Pope Benedict in the last election. And this time he got elected. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Mitt Romney.” –Jay Leno

“With Washington in the middle of a budget crisis, the White House is facing criticism for spending $250,000 a year on calligraphy. You can tell you’re spending way too much money on calligraphy when you spend ANY money on calligraphy.” –Jimmy Fallon

“The new Pope is a man of the people. Immediately after they elected him, he went back to the hotel by himself, brought his luggage downstairs, and checked himself out of the hotel. There was the fight about the mini bar charge but other than that, he was humble.” –David Letterman

“It’s been announced that Twinkies will be back on the shelves sometime this summer. Isn’t that great? This new Pope is already getting things done.’ –Conan O’Brien


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