N.R.A. Can’t Believe How Well National Conversation About Guns Is Going
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As the national conversation about guns enters its fifth month, the National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre gave it his seal of approval today, saying that he hopes the conversation continues “forever.”
“I must admit, when the national conversation about guns started in those dark days of December, I thought it was a bad idea,” said Mr. LaPierre. “People kept saying that things would be different this time, and that scared the bejesus out of me.”
Because of what appeared to be a new resolve to finally do something about gun violence, he said, “I was concerned that the national conversation about guns would turn into something uglier, like congressional action.”
“Fortunately, that danger seems to have passed,” he said.
The N.R.A. leader said that he expects his organization to continue to take an active role in the national conversation about guns as it moves forward: “We want to talk about an assault-rifle ban. We want to talk about background checks. We want to talk about anything else that we know will never happen.”
But while Mr. LaPierre “can’t believe how well the national conversation is going,” he said that the N.R.A. would remain vigilant in keeping the conversation from “veering off into concrete remedies that will actually change things.”
“We’ve had five months of talk, and that’s a good start,” he said. “But now is the time for more talk.”
Photograph by Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty.