Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

March 15, 2013 By

Humor - Late Night  :

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.  Also an open thread.

Happy Friday.

“We have a new Pope. The Vatican has chosen the first ever Argentinean Pope. So once again, a bunch of old white guys got a Hispanic to do a job they didn’t want to do.” –Conan O’Brien

“Thousands and thousands of people at Vatican Square were looking at the chimney. And the white smoke means we have a white Pope.” –David Letterman

“What do we know about Pope Francis? Well, he’s 76 years old. He’s a former archbishop, and he likes long walks on the beach, giant hats, and the music of Coldplay.” –Craig Ferguson

“With the selection process going on for the new Pope, there’s a lot of papal trivial. For example, did you know that no Pope has ever in the history of the church been elected without carrying Ohio?” –David Letterman

“The cardinals each write down their choice on a small slip of paper and put in a silver chalice and then they mix all the names up and they’re drawn out. It’s the same thing they do for the Vatican’s Secret Santa.” –David Letterman

“The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie “Argo.” They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can’t do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie ‘Shrek.’” –Craig Ferguson

“After tours of the White House were canceled due to budget cuts, Donald Trump offered to pay for them. All he’s asking is they rename it the Trump White House and Casino.” –Conan O’Brien

“They’re calling it Obama’s charm offensive because he took Republicans to dinner, and then he had Paul Ryan over for lunch. And it’s working apparently. This has been the problem all along. Republicans will put out, you just have to buy them a meal and tell them they are pretty first.” –Bill Maher

Republican Vaudevill Poster

“Two key questions emerged from the dinner: 1) whether anything can get done without the Republican leadership; and 2) why do John McCain and Lindsey Graham always go to the bathroom in pairs. I’m just going to call them McCainsey from now on.” –Bill Maher

“President Obama took a group of Republicans to dinner last night. And at the end of the meal, the president personally picked up the tab. Afterwards, Republicans said ‘Typical Democrat. Spend, spend, spend.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Republicans in Arkansas passed the strictest abortion law ever…they say in the bill that life begins when your sister gets drunk.” –Bill Maher

“If seeing this nice lady (Michelle Obama) on TV saying she likes the movies, or nutrition, or exercise fills you with rage, get help.” –Bill Maher

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