Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

March 8, 2013 By

Humor - Late Night  :

The best of late night political humor via Daniel Kurtzman’s Political Humor.  Also an open thread.

Happy Friday.

“Today Kenya is holding elections for the first time since 2007. It’s getting nasty. Each presidential candidate is accusing the others of being born in Kenya.” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama has nominated Wal-Mart executive Sylvia Burwell l to be his budget director. The President says he’s excited by her experience at Wal-Mart. Sylvia Burwell said she’s excited to be making more than $9.85 per hour.” –Conan O’Brien

“Sarah Palin is getting ready for the big CPAC thing by writing words on her hand like “Obama bad. No like.” And Rick Perry is getting ready by writing ‘Rick Perry.” –Bill Maher

Republican Seal 2  -“The big scandal is that CPAC did not invite the one most popular Republican in the country, Chris Christie, because apparently they’re mad at him because during Hurricane Sandy, he hugged Obama. In their world, you’re only allowed to touch a black person if he handed you a 7-wood and shot a hole in one.” –Bill Maher

“Obama’s sci-fi flub should be the GOP’s gain. After all, Republicans and nerds have so much in common. They both live in fantasy worlds, and have no idea how to relate to women. And, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell bears a striking resemblance to Admiral Ackbar.” –Stephen Colbert on Obama’s “Jedi mind-meld” gaffe

“These automatic budget cuts are serious. It could negatively affect water and sewage services. In other words, all of America is about to embark on a Carnival cruise.” –Conan O’Brien

“Pope Benedict is officially retired. Apparently there was some last-minute tension at the Vatican because they wouldn’t give the Pope his security deposit back. ” –Craig Ferguson

“Today was Pope Benedict’s last day at work. Don’t be sad. All the other cardinals are buying him shots at the Vatican Applebee’s.” –Conan O’Brien

popePat Bagley

“New Rule: Now that it’s been announced that former Pope John Ratzinger will no longer wear his trademark red shoes, someone has to explain how I’m supposed to know who’s tapping at me from the next stall?” –Bill Maher

“He left glue on the walls from his Def Leppard posters.” –Craig Ferguson

“Pope Benedict officially retired today. People are actually placing bets on who the next Pope will be. At least that’s what I heard during my fantasy Pope draft.” –Jimmy Fallon

“As you know, the Pope stepped down today. There’s a lot of cardinals running for this Pope position. Some of the slogans are pretty catchy. My favorite: ‘Yes, We Vati-can.’” –Jay Leno

“In his first interview since losing the election, Mitt Romney says it kills him to not be in the White House. He said he’ll always think of it as the one house he couldn’t buy.” –Conan O’Brien

Mitt Romney - MAD :


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