Humor: The Borowitz Report

Choking Back Tears, N.R.A. Leader Marries Gun

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 Senate Judiciary Committee Hears From Prominent Voices On Both Sides Of Gun Control Debate
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what he called “the happiest day of my life,” National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre marked Valentine’s Day by marrying his longtime gun, an AK-47 assault rifle.

Mr. LaPierre grew emotional as he reminisced about meeting the firearm at a gun show in Alabama in 1991.

“The chemistry between us was amazing,” he said. “Our first weekend together, all we did was shoot.”

Marriage between a human and a gun is not legal in most states, a situation that Mr. LaPierre bemoans: “For a lot of N.R.A. members it’s the only intimate relationship they’re capable of.”

The wedding ceremony was attended by twenty-five of Mr. LaPierre’s guns and over two hundred members of Congress.

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Photograph by Chip Somodevilla/Getty.

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