Humor: The Borowitz Report

Pope’s Decision to Come Out of Retirement Stirs Controversy

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Pope Benedict XVI - Papa Benedetto XVI
VATICAN (The Borowitz Report)—Pope Benedict XVI stunned the world for the second time in twenty-four hours today by announcing his decision to come out of retirement.

“I thought I was getting too old for this,” the Pope explained via his Twitter account, “but I’ve still got plenty left in the tank.”

The Pope’s abrupt unretirement left many fans wondering if his original decision was little more than a publicity stunt, but according to one Vatican source, “The situation was a lot more complicated than people know.”

“The Vatican doesn’t make resigning your job as Pope an easy thing to do,” the source said. “In his exit interview, they told him he would have to agree not to sign with another organized religion for three years. Plus, he was going to have to give his 1.5 million Twitter followers back to the Church. The Twitter thing was the deal-breaker.”

For his part, the newly unretired Pope took to his Twitter feed to announce his return in a nonchalant way: “So it turns out I’m not infallible. #FTW.”

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Photograph: Stefano Dal Pozzolo/Contrasto/Redux.

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