Humor: The Borowitz Report

Rupert Murdoch Emerges as Winning Bidder for Richard III’s Bones

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LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—The media mogul Rupert Murdoch stunned the world of British antiquities today by purchasing the newly discovered remains of Richard III for a hundred million dollars.

“This is a dream come true for me,” a jubilant Mr. Murdoch told reporters after the British government accepted his bid for the fallen tyrant. “Richard III is more than an important historical figure to me. He’s a role model.”

Mr. Murdoch said that he plans to put Richard III on display at the News Corporation headquarters in New York, “where he will serve as an inspiration to all our employees when I’m not there.”

But Mr. Murdoch’s shocking purchase of Richard’s bones has ignited howls of protest from British historians like Alistair Grindle, who warns that the media magnate’s motives may be far from pure.

“It would not surprise me one bit if Murdoch attempted to reanimate Richard III’s DNA and use him to seize control of the British government,” says Mr. Grindle. “The last thing this world needs is Rupert Murdoch and Richard III working together.”

For his part, Mr. Murdoch said he was baffled why his purchase of Richard III had proven so controversial: “This is far from the first time I’ve bought a British leader.”

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Photograph by Brendon Thorne/Getty.

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2 responses to “Humor: The Borowitz Report

  1. Not the first time I have bought a British leader? What a brazen comment from Murdoch.

  2. Ah shit, I missed the Borowitz Report thing. Dumb me! ! ! !

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