Daily Archives: April 13, 2012

Barkers & Rubes

Photoshop work by Aramis

Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

April 13, 2012 By

Happy Friday. The best from Political Humor‘s collection of the week’s late night political humor.

“Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president. Jindal said he couldn’t think of a better way to show his support than waiting until Romney was the only guy left.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Another strange story from Arizona. A bill signed by the governor would declare a woman to be pregnant two weeks before conception. So congratulations, ladies, you are all Arizona pregnant.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Florida congressman Allen West made an interesting statement yesterday. He believes there are about 78 to 81 members of the Democratic Party who are members of the Communist Party. Really? I think it’s time for someone to lay off the Tom Clancy novels.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Rick Santorum has dropped out of the race. He wanted to ban gambling and outlaw pornography. And this is a guy who claims Romney is out of touch with America.” –David Letterman

“After dropping out of the GOP race, Rick Santorum emailed his supporters to ask for help paying off his campaign debt. So if you believe in his message of responsible spending and no handouts, just give him a handout to cover all his irresponsible spending.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Now that Santorum is out of the race, that leaves Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul out there vying for the crackpot vote.” –David Letterman

“Because Mitt Romney is a Mormon he can actually have several vice presidents. Did you know that?” –David Letterman

“Today was the annual White House Easter Egg Roll – or, as the Republicans call it, ‘President Obama’s Socialist Egg Redistribution Program.’” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney had an Easter egg hunt at his house as well. Although he does it a little bit differently; he hides money offshore and then the kids hunt for the nest of eggs. They go to Caymans, they go to Switzerland… they travel all over.” –Jay Leno

“Newt Gingrich says he still has a chance. He say people walk up to him all the time and beg him to stay in the presidential race. It’s a group of people known as Democrats.” –Conan O’Brien

“Newt looks like the guy at your class reunion you don’t recognize.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney has spent $53 million on ads, and Rick Santorum has spent $9 million. Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich drew a poster with his name on it and showed up in the background of the ‘Today’ show.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Thirty thousand kids and their parents participated in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which has been going on for years. At this point there has to be thousands of undiscovered Easter eggs on the lawn of the White House. Future civilizations will think we were ruled by chickens.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Happy Holiday weekend! This, of course, is both Passover and Easter. In fact, did you see what Romney did tonight? I think he’s trying too hard to get votes; he went to a Seder dressed as the Easter bunny.” –Jay Leno

Mario Piperni on Ms. Mittens

Rabid Dogs and Republican Politics

April 13, 2012 By

This should be the final word on the Hilary Rosen issue (Ann Romney does not understand the plight of working women)…but it won’t be. Republicans are going to milk every ounce of faux rage out of this one.

To tie so many talking heads who appear on cable every day to either campaign is a preposterous exercise, and a standard neither side of the political debate should want. If the Obama camp is responsible for Rosen, is Romney responsible for GOP Rep. Allen West’s outrageous accusation that 80 Democrats are communists? Is he responsible for Sherriff Joe Arapaio (Romney’s ’08 Arizona campaign chairman) and his birther conspiracy theories? Absolutely not. If that were the standard, the campaign would just be day after day of candidates disavowing random pundits and supporters’ comments. That Republicans feel they have to stoop to this suggests a real desperation. Let’s not let this become the new normal.

Too late. It is the normal in Republican politics and has been for a long time now. Furthermore, you can expect to see a lot more of it in the weeks and months ahead.

It matters not to Republicans that Hilary Rosen is neither a spokeswoman for the DNC nor an advisor to the President. She is a paid political commentator for CNN. Period. She also happens to be a democrat which is all Republicans need to know to somehow tie her comment in with President Obama. Politically, it’s the right move for Republicans. Romney was way behind with women voters. Ethically, the Republican ploy is wrong in so many ways but since when did doing the right thing have anything to do with politics…especially Republican politics.

At the root of all this is the false-equivalence fallacy that Republicans are hoping to set up to counter the real attacks on women’s rights they have been engaged in for the last several months.  Steve Benen explains.

One the one hand, we have a party that has pushed for restricting contraception; cutting off Planned Parenthood; state-mandated, medically-unnecessary transvaginal ultrasounds; forcing physicians to lie to patients about abortion and breast cancer; abortion taxes; abortion waiting periods; trap laws at abortion clinics, forcing women to tell their employers why they want birth control, opposition to prenatal care, and measures that make it harder for women to fight pay discrimination.

On the other hand, we have a media pundit with no connection to her party’s presidential campaign who said something about Mitt Romney’s wife professional background.

Whatever one chooses to call what it is Republicans are striving to do with women’s rights, the bottom line is that it is part of their public policy. They are not mere words. They are actions which have been taken at the state level which affect in very real ways matters pertaining to women’s health. And there is nothing to suggest that given the power once more, Republicans would not move forward in the same manner at the federal level. Case in point: the Blunt amendment.

At the best of times, Republican’s brand of politics is depraved. In times of desperation, as they currently find themselves in…watch out. Think of a rabid dog, foaming at the mouth, forced by its own insanity into a corner and you’ll have an idea of what to look forward to over the next six months.

The Borowitz Report

Charles Manson Denied Parole, Effectively Ending His Bid for Republican Presidential Nomination

Clears Path for Romney

KINGS COUNTY, CA (The Borowitz Report) – Serial killer Charles Manson was denied parole yesterday, effectively ending his bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination.

With Mr. Manson no longer a contender, the path appears to be clear for former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney to become the party’s nominee.

Perhaps in recognition of this development, Mr. Romney unveiled a new campaign slogan today: “Sorry, But You Have No Other Choices Now.”

As for the rest of the GOP field, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum suspended his campaign this week, saying that he wanted “to spend more time with the voices in my head.”

And former House Speaker Newt Gingrich wrote a $500 check on an account that had no money in it, in the first sign that he might be qualified to be President.

Elsewhere, a Fox News spokesman blasted a mole who had previously worked for the network: “At Fox News we have zero tolerance for someone who tells the truth.”