Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

September 21, 2012 By mario piperni

I’ve been battling a cold and internet issues since morning. Not good so I’m taking a 10 count and conceding victory. Consider this an open thread.

I hear Romney just released his 2011 tax returns where he had to engineer his deductions to bring his tax rate up from 9 to 14.1 percent. What a putz.

Here’s the best from Political Humor‘s collection of the week’s late night political humor. Happy Friday.

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“It’s Fall. Unless you’re Mitt Romney, and then it’s freefall.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney says that about half the country is freeloaders. And freeloaders – that includes wealthy politicians who only pay 13 percent in tax.” –David Letterman

“I like Mitt. Listen to this. He has alienated the young people, alienated the old people, alienated women, alienated minorities, alienated gays. I’m telling you, this takes talent.” –David Letterman

“Romney said he doesn’t watch ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ because if Romney wants to see rich people say dumb things on camera he can watch that fundraiser video.” –Jimmy Fallon

“What are they talking about? Romney has given some very specific figures. For instance, he is willing to piss off exactly 47% of the voters.” –Stephen Colbert

“All of these political strategists are trying to explain why Mitt Romney can’t seem to get his message out. I’m no strategist but it’s hard to talk with both a silver spoon and a foot in your mouth.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney said if he had Mexican parents, he’d have a better shot of winning…But unfortunately Romney was tragically held back by being born of rich white people.” –Conan O’Brien

“It is high time that the GOP stop trying to appeal to smart people – and letting Rick Santorum in front of a microphone is a great place to start.” –Stephen Colbert, on Santorum’s remarks that “smart people will never be on our side”

“Mitt Romney was here meeting with the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. He’s looking for a housekeeper for his place in La Jolla.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mitt Romney was on ‘Live With Kelly and Michael.’ At one point Mitt was asked what he wears to bed. He said as little as possible. It’s the same philosophy that Mitt has in regard to paying taxes.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mitt also admitted on the show that his guilty pleasures are peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chocolate milk. Even his guilty pleasures are boring.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“In a recent promotion, Mitt Romney is offering donors a chance to win a ride on his campaign plane. But if you know how Mitt Romney travels, this is one contest you don’t want to win.” (on screen: a picture of someone strapped to the roof of his plane) –Seth Meyers

“It’s nice to know that no matter how bad things get in the Middle East, Mitt Romney is always there to make them worse. You saw him this week when our embassies were under attack, before any facts were in he tried to score political points because he sees everything as a business opportunity. This is a man who would sell ad time during a moment of silence.” –Bill Maher

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Mario Piperni on Repug Democracy

Romney and Republican’s Idea of Democracy

September 22, 2012 By John Liming

If I’m reading John Liming correctly, the illustration above pretty much sums up his thoughts on the Republican Party’s role in the democratic process over the last four years.

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One of the surest signs that something I am reading has been written by some unknowing idiot with right wing tendencies is when they say such mindless things as “Obama hasn’t worked with the Republican Congress.

What an absolute statement of total bull manure that kind of crap is!

The whole civilized world surely knows by now how that Republican Congress has stood in the President’s face and obstructed ever single issue that he has ever proposed so they could keep their anal little promise to make sure he doesn’t get a second term in office.

How dare some Rethug say that Obama has not worked with the Republican Congress!

Worse than that, perhaps is some of the right wing idiot’s mistaken impressions that the Congress is “Republican!”  Only The House of Representatives is Repuglican as far as I can tell.  The Senate was definitely controlled by Democrats the last time I looked.

I wish some of these (*%$#@) could get their story straight. (Too much to ask for I am sure.)

In a recent news release, I read that Candidate Romney has reportedly said something to the effect that if President Obama can’t change Washington from the inside but only from the outside, he (Romney) would be happy to make sure that Obama gets that chance.

I am wondering where Mr. R is going with that one?

Even if Romney were to win in November, he is still going to face a Washington that is “Broken” and I hope that if he does win in November, he faces similar challenges in governing that our President has faced.

If such a nightmare as a Republican power grab were to occur in November, 2012, it would please me to no end to have some highly-placed Democrat get in front of some television cameras and tell the world, “Our Number One priority is going to be to make sure that this president never gets elected for a second term.”

After that, I would hope and pray that Democrats remember how Rethugs treated our President for the past 4 years and would do their level best to return the favor to their own choice of “Leader.”  I hope that if there is a Rethug win in November and that power shifts their way – – – I hope Democrats become as skilled in obstructionism as any Republican ever hoped to be and I hope they do it with the same intensity and apparent glee. It would, as the empty chair guy once said, “Make My Day!”

I believe the Republican candidate may have made the boast that if he is elected, Republicans and Democrats will come together.

If it is true that he actually said that, I think he is mistaken.  After the way the Republicans have treated Democrats all through this President’s term – – – after the nasty, unkind remarks that have been made and all the names that have been called, I don’t think there is a Peck’s chance in Hell of Republicans and Democrats coming together.  I hope Democrats are smarter than that!

I am hearing some Republicans starting to blame “The Media” and the “Polls” for the Republican Campaign’s present problems.

That, in my opinion, would be a typical Republican defense – – – denial!

Why can’t they just admit that after the world was treated to the clown show that was supposed to have been a series of serious debates on serious issues – – – the televised circus that ended up being Nine different contenders doing nothing but attacking each other – – – and to the continuing insults against 47% of the American People – – – and the obvious fact that the 1% and their “Candidates” are completely out of touch with America – – – why can’t they just admit that it is not just the “Media and the Polls” causing them fits, but that it is their own inherent inability to come up with original ideas or any form of viable leadership?

John publishes Blue Heart Chronicles.
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