Daily Archives: August 31, 2012

Humor: The Borowitz Report

POLL: Romney Trails Empty Chair

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In a development that the Republican campaign is sure to find troubling, a new poll of likely voters showed nominee Mitt Romney trailing badly behind the empty chair Clint Eastwood talked to onstage at the Republican National Convention in Tampa.

When asked the question, “Who cares more about people like me?” thirty-seven per cent of voters responded, “Mitt Romney,” while fifty-two per cent said, “Chair.”

The poll numbers for the chair represent the largest post-convention bounce for an inanimate object since the nomination of Michael Dukakis, in 1988.

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Photograph by Lauren Lancaster.

Mario Piperni on the Repug Circus

The Republican Convention – Lies, Deception and Clint Eastwood

August 31, 2012 By

The illustration pretty much sums up my thoughts on the Republican National Convention. Lies, deception and just plain nonsense. If you were solidly behind Romney before the convention, then three days of Obama bashing must have felt like an extended Christmas morning. Each new speaker brought out their own crudely wrapped gift of distortions, untruths and wingnuttery. I’m sure it was a joy.

If prior to the lie-fest you believed the Republican party represented all that is wrong with America, then nothing happened in those three days to change those sentiments…except, possibly, to reinforce any thought that, yes, these people are detached sociopaths.

But if you weren’t sure who you’d vote for in November and were hoping to learn something about Romney and how he planned to turn the economy around, you got nothing except vague promises and shiny glitter. No new ideas or policies were presented on the domestic front. But you did learn that Romney is intent on starting a new Middle East war with Iran…and something about reviving the Cold War and putting Putin in his place. Neocons love villains, real or imagined.

You also learned that empty chairs and invisible presidents are best left on a vaudeville stage.

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(The Romney and Ryan source photographs are Creative Commons licensed images from photographer Gage Skidmore.)

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Andrew Sullivan on Mitt’s Handout

Romney’s Government Handout, Ctd

A reader writes:

This seems like a pretty big deal to me. If you read the Rolling Stone article in its entirety, it’s clear that Romney blackmailed the FDIC into settling Bain debt at pennies on the dollar by threatening to remove what remaining cash assets Bain had that were owed the US government as bonuses rather than paying down the debt – and later following through on it. In other words, he screwed the American taxpayer out of millions of dollars while giving his buddies (and maybe himself) bonuses rather than paying Bain’s debts.

This is Gordon Gecko at his worst.

Another:

So Mitt Romney … didn’t build that?

Humor: The Borowitz Report

Romney Accepts Nomination: “I Bought It”

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TAMPA (The Borowitz Report)—Coining a phrase that seems destined to become his new campaign slogan, Mitt Romney needed only three words tonight to accept the Republican Presidential nomination: “I bought it.”

Those words had a special meaning for Mr. Romney, who had to spend seventy million dollars in the G.O.P. primaries to defeat a serial adulterer, a former pizza executive, and a crackpot in a sweater-vest.

It has been an up-and-down convention for Mr. Romney, who was largely ignored at Tea Party rallies early in the week but later picked up a key endorsement from his wife.

Tonight, however, was a time to reflect, as he put it, “on money well spent.”

“Our opponents say that America is in decline, that it is no longer number one,” he said. “I say our democracy is the best that money can buy.”

Mr. Romney braided his speech with the theme of “I bought it,” reminding his audience that in order to take the White House, “I have millions to go before I sleep.”

He made an emotional appeal to a group he called “the single-issue billionaires,” imploring them, “Let me know what you want. Eliminate the E.P.A.? Bomb Iran? Mitt Romney is open for business.” The audience roared its approval.

Mr. Romney made one reference to his running mate, Rep. Paul Ryan (R., Wisc.): “Don’t let his crazy rock-and-roll playlist fool you. He’s serious about the important things: cutting taxes for the rich and ending Planned Parenthood.”

Ultimately, he ended his speech with a rousing call to arms that brought the Republican audience to its feet: “The road to the White House will be hard, and strewn with challenges. But together, there’s nothing we can’t buy.”

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Photograph by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images.