Daily Archives: August 24, 2012

Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

August 24, 2012 By

The best from Political Humor‘s collection of the week’s late night political humor.

Happy Friday.

“Todd Akin, the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, is under fire for his controversial comments that women who are ‘legitimately raped are less likely to get pregnant.’ The good news? Candidates who are legitimately that stupid are less likely to get elected.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That’s too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century.” –David Letterman

“Mitt Romney says if he is elected he will create 12 million new jobs in his first year in office – and that’s just for people to do his taxes.” –Jay Leno

“And Mitt’s running mate Paul Ryan — who has dropped out of nowhere and has energized the Republican ticket — he looks like the guy you see on packages of underwear.” –David Letterman

“Senior Citizens Day was made official by President Reagan in 1988 to recognize the contributions the elderly do for this country. It’s a special holiday to remind them they are indeed old.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Mitt Romney is worth half a billion dollars and he’s saying he pays 13 percent annually in taxes. Al Capone paid more than 13 percent in taxes, ladies and gentlemen.” –David Letterman

“On the first night, Mitt will be introduced by his money.” –David Letterman

“Paul Ryan just released his tax returns for the last two years, and it turns out he and his wife had a combined income of over $323,000 last year. To which Mitt Romney said, ‘See, I do reach out to poor people.” –Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney says he’s never paid less than 13% in taxes, which I think is fair because only 13% of his money is in this country.” –Jay Leno

“Today the Republicans are getting ready for the convention. They’re busy down there in Florida auditioning minorities.” –David Letterman

“The Pennsylvania voter ID law, according to one study…will disenfranchise 9% of the entire Pennsylvania electorate. But that’s the price you pay for preventing something that doesn’t happen.” –Jon Stewart

“Are you excited about Paul Ryan? He’s a far, far-right ideologue. The Republican base loves him. He’s kind of an English-speaking version of Sarah Palin.” –Bill Maher

“Only one publication had a reporter with Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan on day one, ‘People Magazine.’ Or as Mitt Romney calls it ‘Corporation Magazine.’” –Stephen Colbert

“Paul Ryan looks like a guy who owns his own chain of nursing homes.” –David Letterman

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Mario Piperni on Mitt Birtherism

Romney Plays Birther Boy

August 24, 2012 By

Mitt Romney today in Michigan.

I love being home, in this place where Ann and I were raised, where but the both of us were born, Ann was born at Henry Ford hospital, I was born at Harper hospital. No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate. They know that this is the place that we were born and raised.

What an asshole. It’s not enough that the Republican presidential nominee seeks the support of birther buffoons like Trump and Arpaio but now Romney finds it amusing to play to the idiot birthers and racists in his audience…like the guy who said, “Romney has his birth certificate; Obama can’t find his.”

Two and a half months to go and you have to wonder how much lower a desperate Romney can sink in his quest for power and glory.

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