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The Borowitz Report

North Carolina Weighs Ban on Electricity, Soap

Amendment One Supporters Push New Law

NORTH CAROLINA (The Borowitz Report) – Flush with victory from yesterday’s statewide vote, supporters of North Carolina’s Amendment One today moved forward with a bold proposal to ban electricity and soap.

Cal Pinckton, a leading proponent of Amendment One who has helped craft the new law, says the principles behind it are simple: “If the Bible doesn’t mention something, it’s against the law, and the Bible makes no mention of either soap or electricity.”

He adds that North Carolina will “still have plenty of stuff that the Bible does mention, like boils and locusts.”

While some critics of the proposed law said that it could be damaging to North Carolina’s economy since it would drive away fanciers of soap and electricity, Mr. Pinckton sees it differently.

“I think we’ll see a huge boom in tourism,” he says.  “North Carolina is on its way to becoming one great big old timey theme park, like Colonial Williamsburg.”

But Mr. Pinckton is careful to emphasize that under the proposed law, there would be certain situations in which the use of electricity would be permitted: “You could still use electricity for things that are explicitly mandated by the Bible, like transvaginal ultrasounds.”

Mario Piperni on Repug Roadblocks

Another Day, Another Vote – Indiana, NC and Wisconsin

May 9, 2012 By mario piperni

Election roundup:

Indiana.

As polls forecast, the Tea Party’s efforts to cleanse the GOP of any impure conservatives has Dick Lugar out and teabagger Richard Mourdock in. Mourdock is the new Republican nominee for Lugar’s senate seat…but not without a stern warning from Lugar.

If Mr. Mourdock is elected, I want him to be a good Senator. But that will require him to revise his stated goal of bringing more partisanship to Washington. He and I share many positions, but his embrace of an unrelenting partisan mindset is irreconcilable with my philosophy of governance and my experience of what brings results for Hoosiers in the Senate. In effect, what he has promised in this campaign is reflexive votes for a rejectionist orthodoxy and rigid opposition to the actions and proposals of the other party. His answer to the inevitable roadblocks he will encounter in Congress is merely to campaign for more Republicans who embrace the same partisan outlook. He has pledged his support to groups whose prime mission is to cleanse the Republican party of those who stray from orthodoxy as they see it.

This is not conducive to problem solving and governance. And he will find that unless he modifies his approach, he will achieve little as a legislator. Worse, he will help delay solutions that are totally beyond the capacity of partisan majorities to achieve.

Good advice but it’s falling on deaf ears. Republicans have no desire to advance the concept of governance in Indiana or anywhere else in the country. It’s about gaining power and pushing a far-right agenda and nothing more. Lugar strayed across party lines once too often to satisfy the radicals who currently control and fund the Republican party.

So, was Lugar part of the Republican’s filibustering, obstructionist politics in the Senate? Yes he was…but he was also one of the few Republicans left in Congress who had an understanding that there existed a bigger picture which extended beyond strict, party dogma. With Lugar’s departure, the Republican party has just climbed another notch on the Sociopath/Crazy scale.

Prediction: Lugar gets some kind of high profile position in President Obama’s second term administration.

To further prove Lugar’s point about Republican’s “rejectionist orthodoxy and rigid opposition”, here’s what Mourdock said this morning in regards to his understanding of bipartisanship.

“I certainly think bipartisanship ought to consist of Democrats coming to the Republican point of view.”

Wonderful. That sums up the entire right-wing’s approach to politics and is exactly what Dems and Obama were forced to deal with over the last three years. Anything short of Obama in the White House and Dem majorities in the House and Senate (filibuster-proof) is going to be a painful, drawn-out, four years of more obstructionist politics.

North Carolina.

In 1875, NC passed a constitutional provision which stated that “all marriages between a white person and a Negro or between a white person and a person of Negro descent to the third generation inclusive are, hereby, forever prohibited.” It took 96 years (1971) before the racist provision was removed from the state charter.

Yesterday, voters in North Carolina approved a state constitutional amendment which reads, “marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized.”

Way to go, NC. You have another 100 years of bigoted, intolerant legislation to enjoy.

Wisconsin

Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett is the Democrat slated to go up against Scott Walker in the June 5 recall election. A reader sent in a first-hand account at yesterday’s polls in his role as an election inspector.

Act 23, which is the Wisconsin voter ID law, is still under court injunction, so photo IDs weren’t needed to vote.  Surprisingly, same-day registration is still allowed by showing a valid state ID and proof of residence (like a recent utility bill, lease, bank statement or pay stub with a current address).

Most of the voters were pleased not to have to follow Act 23, although a fair number offered their cards without being asked and seemed surprised when told it wasn’t necessary.  Expressed voter sentiment was definitely anti-Walker (but keep in mind what I said about the ward’s demographics [liberal-leaning]), and most of the people seemed pleased with their experience.  [...]  An overwhelming majority of people seemed to be positive about being out to vote, even when there were long lines, and many expressed appreciation for the poll staff.  Most people seem to think we’re volunteers selflessly serving our community – they must have us confused with campaign workers, who mostly go unpaid.  The work is mind-numbing and tedious, full of niggling little details, and the people who do have bad experiences and frustrations usually blame us.  I have to admit, though, that there is a certain amount of feelgood that goes along with the job.

He wrapped up with…

That’s three elections down for the year and three more to go.  The recall general election is on 5 June, which means there will be an intense four weeks of negative ads, people pounding on my door, ads stuffed in my mailbox and not answering the phone unless I recognize the caller ID.  To that end, I’ve posted the sign I’ve attached to my front door.