Daily Archives: March 1, 2012

The Borowitz Report

In Possible Gaffe, Romney Says Poor People ‘Taste Like Chicken’

Awkward Moment at Ohio Wrestling Event

TOLEDO (The Borowitz Report) – In what some political observers are calling a possible gaffe on the part of the former Massachusetts governor, Mitt Romney told a crowd gathered for a World Wrestling Entertainment event in Ohio today, “I love poor people. They taste like chicken.”

After an awkward silence from the crowd and a smattering of boos, Mr. Romney added, “Really, you should try them someday. They go well with a nice Sancerre.”

The GOP frontrunner’s latest faux pas came just two days after Mr. Romney’s big win in the Michigan primary, in which he narrowly defeated a mental patient in a sweater vest.

In Michigan, Mr. Romney had spoken to workers at a GM plant, saying, “I love cars. I’m like a car. I was conceived in Michigan and my microcircuitry is from Japan.”

In other campaign news, former Senator Rick Santorum addressed the controversy over contraception, telling a crowd in Dayton, “The best form of contraception will always be underwear with a picture of me on the crotch.”

In other news:

— North Korea said it would stop making nuclear weapons if the US stops making Chipmunks sequels.

— Bristol Palin announced plans to do a reality show, despite her mother’s longstanding objection to reality.

— And “Jersey Shore” star Snooki is pregnant, according to People I Don’t Give a Shit About magazine.

The Borowitz Report

In Possible Gaffe, Romney Says Poor People ‘Taste Like Chicken’

Awkward Moment at Ohio Wrestling Event

Image

TOLEDO (The Borowitz Report)) – In what some political observers are calling a possible gaffe on the part of the former Massachusetts governor, Mitt Romney told a crowd gathered for a World Wrestling Entertainment event in Ohio today, “I love poor people.  They taste like chicken.”

After an awkward silence from the crowd and a smattering of boos, Mr. Romney added, “Really, you should try them someday.  They go well with a nice Sancerre.”

The GOP frontrunner’s latest faux pas came just two days after Mr. Romney’s big win in the Michigan primary, in which he narrowly defeated a mental patient in a sweater vest.

In Michigan, Mr. Romney had spoken to workers at a GM plant, saying, “I love cars.  I’m like a car.  I was conceived in Michigan and my microcircuitry is from Japan.”

In other campaign news, former Senator Rick Santorum addressed the controversy over contraception, telling a crowd in Dayton, “The best form of contraception will always be underwear with a picture of me on the crotch.”

In other news:

– North Korea said it would stop making nuclear weapons if the US stops making Chipmunks sequels.

– Bristol Palin announced plans to do a reality show, despite her mother’s longstanding objection to reality.

– And “Jersey Shore” star Snooki is pregnant, according to People I Don’t Give a Shit About magazine.

Mario Piperni on Repug Tears

GOP Rendition of ‘The Tracks of My Tears’

March 1, 2012 By

As the economy continues to improve (DOW closed above 13,000 for the first time since May 2008), Republicans are discovering that they’re losing the only ticket they had to a November victory, a faltering economy. And with that discovery comes the further realization that they are going to be stuck with a lame presidential candidate. Mitt Romney.

Redstate’s the Son of Erick expresses his anguish.

Seriously, putting it bluntly, conservatives may not like Barack Obama, but most other people do. And when faced with a guy you like and a guy you don’t like who says he can fix an economy that no longer needs fixing, you’re going to go with the guy you like.

If Republicans in Washington are not panicked and trying desperately to pull Bobby Jindal in the race tomorrow, or someone like him, the party leaders must have a death wish. Mitt Romney continues to run an uninspiring campaign only able to win by massively outspending his opponents to tell voters how much worse the other guys are. That may work in the primary, but it will not work in a general election where the President of the United States won’t be outspent 5 to 1.

[...]

But I suspect he [Romney] will be the nominee. At least we can be rid of him and, hopefully, his most ardent cheerleaders on November 7th when what the rest of us know will happen unless an economic catastrophe happens.

We feel your pain, Eric…but Bobby Jindal? That’s your great savior? You’re joking, right?

If Jindal were to enter the race tomorrow, how far could he possibly get with no campaign structure in place and no money to fund that campaign? Jindal would be unable to get his name on the ballot in most of the remaining primary states. And even if none of those matters were vital to waging a successful campaign, Jindal lacks the dynamic personality required to compete against a Barack Obama…to say nothing of what Jindal’s image would look like after a zillion dollars worth of attack ads from the Romney camp did their dirty work.

It must suck to be a Republican these days.

But don’t be fooled by any of this. When Republicans have their nominee in place, Erickson and Limbaugh and Fox and the Christian right and every other conservative who despise the current President, will rally behind their man and proclaim him to be the greatest conservative since Jesus Christ.

And that applies even if their nominee is an out of touch rich guy whom no one likes.

Musical interlude. Sorry, Smokey…but I like this Adam Lambert rendition.

(The photograph for this illustration is a Creative Commons licensed image from photographer Gage Skidmore.)

BuzzFlash on Obama “Socialism”

Obama the “Socialist” Saved Capitalism by Giving Welfare to Wall Street and Red States

MARK KARLIN, EDITOR OF BUZZFLASH AT TRUTHOUT

Wall Street must be effusively thankful for what the Tea Party, the Right Wing and FOX News claim: Obama is a “socialist.”

After all, that must be the reason that the stock market climbed to the highest level in five years on February 28, according to ABC News:

The Dow Jones industrial average closed above 13,000 for the first time since 2008, capping a remarkable run-up in stocks that has coincided with a revival of consumer confidence to levels not seen since well before the econ0mic downturn began.

It takes a “socialist,” apparently, to create a financial environment in which the stock market has been soaring.

And then there’s the “socialist” influence that has propelled economic growth since the “free market” collapse of the economy under George W. Bush.  According to CNN, the “gross domestic product, the broadest measure of the nation’s economy, grew at a 3% annual rate in the fourth quarter of 2011.”

“We are seeing what historically would be considered a healthy growth rate for the country,” said Brian Hamilton, CEO of Sageworks, a financial information company. “Last quarter compares very favorably to the GDP growth rate over the past few years and indicates the country continues to recover from the recession.”

Remember that it was Obama who went along and did the second TARP installment of providing government welfare to Wall Street to keep capitalism from collapsing.  It has been under Obama that no Wall Street honchos have been prosecuted for playing fast and loose with financial transactions that nearly brought the US to its economic knees.  Under this White House, major banks also got off without any prosecution for illegal foreclosure transactions.

If that is what a “socialist” does to the economy, Lord help Wall Street if a “capitalist” is elected.

Furthermore, as has been pointed out in the past – most recently in Alternet, it is the political Blue states who, in general, provide tax dollars to support the Red states. Take a red state like Mississippi, which sucks up $2.73 in federal support for every dollar its residents pay in national taxes.  Compare that to Illinois, which lose 8 cents on the dollar and only gets 92 cents back from DC.  Gov. Jan Brewer’s Arizona gets net revenue of 60 extra cents back from federal taxes, while Minnesota loses 36 cents on tax dollars paid into the IRS.

In short – and in general – one can argue that the “reddest” states that have politicians and Tea Party advocates proclaiming that they are living under “socialist” leadership are most often the ones benefiting from a redistribution of blue state income tax dollars subsidizing red states.  So why don’t the red states return that many to the “socialist” government in DC?

Furthermore, states with two Republican “free market” senators get the highest average rate of redistributed tax dollars at $1.49 cents, according to Talking Points Memo.

You would think that the right wingers shouting that Obama is a relic of the Soviet Union should be thanking him for saving capitalism, providing a climate for large corporations to soar in profits, giving bailout money to the banks, and providing red states with redistributed income tax funds to survive.

If this is “socialism,” Romney, Santorum, Gingrich, Pallin, and Bachmann should be praying on their knees for more of it, along with the Tea Party Medicare crowd who oppose “socialized” medicine.