Mario Piperni on Newt

Why I Love Newt Gingrich

February 1, 2012 By mario piperni

In a perfect world, the Republican contest to find a nominee to face Barack Obama would go on forever…or at least until August. You cannot attach a number to the entertainment value of a Newt Gingrich and the thought that he might leave the race anytime soon is a sad one.

His non-concession speech in Florida was a perfect mix of Gingrich hubris, bullshit and nonsense.

We’re going to put together a package. You’re going to see, this is what a serious conservative president is like, who is bold and is prepared to change Washington, despite the screams of the establishment of both parties.

So a couple more steps. We will on that day sign an executive order that will instruct the State Department that day to open the embassy in Jerusalem and recognize Israel.

Give you just two more examples. I will sign on that day an executive order reinstating Ronald Reagan’s Mexico City policy. No U.S. money will go anywhere in the world to pay for abortion, period.

And finally, many of you may have noticed that the Obama administration has declared war on the Catholic Church and other religious institutions. I want you to know that, on the very first day, I will sign an executive order repealing every anti-religious act of the Obama administration as of that moment.

There you go. In the middle of the worst economic crisis of the last 80 years, Gingrich is going to spend his first 24 hours as President moving the Israeli embassy, battling abortion and working to make the U.S. a theocracy. Exactly the issues the people want their President to focus on, no doubt.

And should you wonder how Gingrich can get so much done so quickly, he provides the answer.  He’s been working on this stuff for a long time – actually, since the age of 15.

The reason I’m comfortable telling you all this is I have been studying what America needs to do, since the fall of 1958, when my dad was stationed in Europe in the Army.

See? It’s stuff like that which makes Newt so special.

Gingrich will not be the Republican nominee. That’s a certainty which I believe even he understands. But it does appear that before he calls it quits, Gingrich is determined to dig deeper under the skin of Mitt Romney and the GOP establishment than has ever been done before and in the process, piss off the last seven Republican politicians who don’t already hate his guts.

Long live the Gingrich campaign!
(The source images for this illustration are Creative Commons licensed images from photographer Gage Skidmore.)

The Borowitz Report

Gay Tiger Attacks Santorum

Animal ‘Taunted’ by Bestiality Remarks

LAS VEGAS (The Borowitz Report) – After making remarks in which he equated homosexuality with bestiality, former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum was attacked at a Las Vegas hotel’s jungle habitat by a gay tiger.

Mr. Santorum had scheduled a campaign stop at the hotel and casino where he made his remarks about homosexuality and bestiality, not realizing that he was standing within earshot of a white tiger with a homosexual lifestyle.

According to onlooker Tracy Klujian, 27, “The way that tiger started growling during the speech, you could tell that it felt like it was being taunted and whatnot.”

As Mr. Santorum’s remarks about homosexuality and bestiality reached their crescendo, the irate tiger leaped over an eighteen-foot barrier and began mauling the presidential candidate, ripping his sweater vest to shreds.

Within minutes, police responding to a 911 call rushed to the scene, where they fired tranquilizer darts at both the tiger and Mr. Santorum, who had continued to make his inflammatory remarks throughout the mauling.

According to one aide, the unfortunate tiger attack incident had done nothing to change Mr. Santorum’s position on gay marriage: “Not only that, but now he’s opposed to tigers marrying other tigers.”

BuzzFlash on Jan Brewer

It was the photo seen round the nation – one that in a single finger-wagging gesture was a Rorschach test of America’s “post-racial” society.

When Jan Brewer – governor of perhaps the most politically anti-immigrant state in the union (including most recently banning school books statewide that were Mexican-American related) – was seen in vivid color raising her index finger in high dudgeon at President Obama, the outpouring of racial animus that followed his election was distilled into one Phoenix sun-drenched tarmac moment.

Adding to the image of white backlash in a racially charged “post-racial” America, Brewer claimed that she felt “threatened” by Obama in their airport encounter.

It is worth noting that Brewer was supposed to be “welcoming” the president of the United States – as is the usual case when a president travels – not confronting him to, perhaps, increase sales of her book and fundraise off of the image of a white woman being “threatened” by a black man. Ironically, Brewer was carrying a handwritten letter inviting the president to lunch and a border tour, while acknowledging their political differences.

The Brewer harangue apparently was triggered by President Obama objecting to a section of her new book, “Scorpions for Breakfast,” in which she characterized an Oval Office meeting with Obama as “condescending, professorial, and patronizing.” (Yes, it does sound like an “uppity black man” dog-whistle description.)

Somehow, you get the feeling that Brewer was loaded for bear no matter what Obama might have said to her, because that has been true of the racially coded attacks on him from the right wing since he assumed office.

Brewer wasted no time in fundraising off of the photo and nationwide media coverage of the incident, and further pouring fuel on the racial flames of the encounter. On her PAC web site, Brewer wrote:

Friends,

I need your help!

When I met President Obama this week, I really wasn’t pointing at him. I was telling him, “You have ONE more year!” The President needs to be reminded that he is the President of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC and not a KING lording over state governors.

While I wanted to talk to him about jobs, our economy and visiting our border, President Obama criticized my book, Scorpions for Breakfast, and then walked away from me.

We deserve results over rhetoric, but this is a President who had the audacity to sue me and Arizona in my efforts to protect our country from illegal immigration!

The letter has since been replaced on Brewers “JanPac” site with promotional plugs for her book, which has shot up in sales due to the publicity surrounding her finger-in-the-face-of-the-president theatrics.

Ironically, the Arizona Republic reported at the end of 2011 that federal prosecutors and the Social Security Administration were investigating whether Brewer had improperly handled $75,000 in Social Security payments on behalf of her eldest son, who has a serious mental illness. An anti-federal government, anti-entitlement program, right-wing governor accepting such a large handout on behalf of her son and his care? You bet.

But that didn’t stop her from putting a match to America’s racial tinderbox. The Phoenix airport photograph was just another supercharged symbol of white entitlement and blaming all the woes of the nation on a black president and brown-skinned immigrants.

For the Tea Party and the nativist wing of the Republican Party, Brenner has provided the perfect wall poster to express their prejudices – and an expanded fundraising base and book market for her political future.

Mark Karlin,
Editor of BuzzFlash at Truthout