Fox News Names Pepper Spray Person of the Year
First Food Product to Snag Top Honors
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – The Fox News Channel made history to today my naming “pepper spray” its Person of the Year for 2011.
Fox anchor Megyn Kelly noted the historic nature of the nod, indicating that pepper spray was “the first food product, essentially” to receive such prestigious recognition.
“From Tahrir Square to lower Manhattan to UC Davis to Walmart, brave little pepper spray was there,” Ms. Kelly said, adding, “I’m tearing up a little right now, which I guess is the effect that pepper spray has on people.”
“It truly is ‘the little crowd control weapon that could,’” she added.
News of the award stoked speculation that pepper spray might soon be given its own nightly show on Fox.
According to one network source, one format being considered would involve a canister of pepper spray interviewing members of the so-called “Occupy” movement, and then spraying them in the face.