Mario Piperni’s Illustrated Late-Night Humor

Late Night Political Humor

October 14, 2011 By

Via Kurtzman

“Unemployed Americans are moving to China to find work. You need a fake i.d., not to say you’re Chinese, just to say you’re under 10 years old.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Perry said America’s revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, ‘I never said I was a geology major.’” –Conan O’Brien

“At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according to how they’ve been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty at a Denny’s across the street.” –Conan O’Brien

“The protests are getting pretty rowdy. This morning, they overturned Donald Trump’s hair and set it on fire.” –Craig Ferguson

“During the Republican debate last night, Michele Bachmann said she has 28 children, five of her own and 23 foster kids. It’s all part of her new strategy: Adopting a majority of voters.” –Jimmy Fallon

“One of the guys accused of organizing the Iranian plot to kill the Saudi ambassador is a used car salesman from Texas. Just when you thought terrorists couldn’t get any lower.” –Jay Leno

“Tim Pawlenty says he regrets quitting the presidential race so early. He said that when he runs in 2016, his campaign slogan will be, ‘Tim Pawlenty: This Time I’ll Quit Later.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Today New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It’s good news for Romney. I mean, you always want Chris Christie on your side. Unless you’re in a canoe.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Herman Cain was in 2nd place in most of the national polls, behind Mitt Romney. Apparently his message of ‘less government, more toppings’ has been well received.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there’s more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there’s also a few napkins and crazy bread.” –Conan O’Brien

“Herman Cain compared his run for president to Moses leading his people out of Egypt. Cain said it took Moses 40 years to lead his people out of Egypt, but he could do it in 30 minutes or less.” –Conan O’Brien

“A team of American scientists just traveled to Russia to search for the Abominable Snowman. That’s right, a mythical creature who probably doesn’t exist. Or as Republicans call that, ‘a presidential candidate.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“Hank Williams Jr. got his ass kicked off of Monday Night Football. His crime was comparing Obama to Hitler on Fox News. Or as it used to be called, ‘The Glenn Beck Show.” –Bill Maher

“If we are going to fire every Southern hillbilly who thinks Obama is like Hitler, who will be our Republican congressmen?” –Bill Maher

Sarah Palin says she won’t be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that’s true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected.” –David Letterman

“Palin said she could help the country more by not running for president. Today, John McCain said, ‘Why didn’t you tell me that three years ago?’” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady’s glasses.” –Conan O’Brien

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