Mario Piperni

Why You Should Pray For A Rick Perry Presidency

You can now cast away any lingering doubts you might have had about Rick Perry.

What would America be like under a Rick Perry presidency? Well, if Rick Perry’s Texas is any indication, the country could look forward to 85 mph speed limits, hog hunting from helicopters and a security check “fast-lane” for concealed handgun carriers.

Any minor concerns you might have had about casting a vote for a man who…

  • drastically cut eduction funding as governor
  • is not quite sure about that evolution thing know-nothing scientists keep talking about
  • believes climate scientists are in it for the money
  • prays for rain
  • thinks Medicare is unconstitutional
  • wants federal income tax scrapped
  • would work to make abortion illegal in all 50 states
  • would gives states the right to opt out of Social Security and Medicaid
  • prays for an end to EPA regulations
  • wants same-sex marriage made unconstitutional by redrafting the Constitution

…well, so what?  The ‘pork chopper’ law comes into effect September 1 in Texas!  That’s right, for $500 Texans can shoot an unlimited number of 400 pound hogs with semi-automatic rifles from low flying helicopters.  Nice.

I think it’s a fair trade-off.  You get a loud mouth, in your face religious, gay-hating, science-bashing, shit-for-brains president in exchange for the right to shoot animals from helicopters in all 50 states.  It doesn’t get much better than that.  And you can consider those security check “fast-lane” for concealed handgun carriers as a bonus.

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